Did you lie to a colleague about being busy, so you could sneak in a nap? Did you judge a celebrity by his kitchen, an academic by her bookshelf and a stand-up comic by the living room in the background of their posts and videos?
Depending on where you are, you’re probably emerging from months indoors or hoping to. And you’ve probably been doing the same things as everyone else to cope. A global stereotype of lockdown life is slowly emerging. But how much of it fits you? Ten points for each statement that holds true:
* You waited for bananas to turn ripe so you could bake banana bread.
* You wondered if you should attempt sourdough bread.
* You wore formals from the waist up for a Zoom call with the office or with clients.
* You joined or hosted an InstaLive. It was easier than you imagined.
* You used Netflix and other streaming accounts so often you got to know their recommendations by heart. And you resisted watching Friends or The Big Bang Theory again. You caved and were on Season 3 before you realised it.
* You mastered at least one at-home exercise: yoga, Zumba, or some form of aerobics.
* You filled a virtual shopping cart, knowing that the site wasn’t delivering, just to feel normal.
* Your work bag, handbag or office backpack, usually in sight on a table or shelf, was stowed in a cupboard.
* You finally figured out what podcasts are.
* You called a friend or family member for help with the cooking. Should I add chaat masala if there’s no aamchur? Can I bake with glazed ceramic? Why is the pressure cooker hissing?
* You started to use teaspoons mindfully. Because 15 of them can pile up in the sink from just making a cup of coffee, if you’re not careful.
* You wondered which day of the week it was. It was always Wednesday or Thursday.
* You lied to a colleague or client about being busy, so you could sneak in a nap.
* You judged a celebrity by his kitchen, an academic by her bookshelf and a stand-up comic by the living room in the background of their posts and videos.
* You were on at least one WhatsApp group discussing which day the market was open, if mushrooms were in stock, and who was delivering mangoes.
* You coughed once and spent the day googling Covid symptoms and mentally writing your will. It was just the dust.
* You played the Guess The Gibberish game on Instagram, but were terrible at it so you didn’t share your video.
* You had one friend who became an overnight expert on urban epidemiology, doubling rates in Lombardi, PPE vs N95. Conversations were either depressing or just dull.
* You have a friend who always worked from home, and watched smugly as everyone adjusted to isolation. You plan to slap them as soon as you meet.
10-70: Are you in the same lockdown as us? How have you managed to avoid the stereotype? What’s your secret?
80-130: You’re doing all right. See you on the other side.
140-200: When they write a social history of the pandemic, it’s you they will interview. Keep a diary if you aren’t already; you stand for us all, even when you’re napping.
Over the moon about something that’s still under the radar? Tell me at firstname.lastname@example.org
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